The Secret Life of Secrets Sawyer

“Secrets, secrets are no fun unless their shared with everyone.” Rosetta said in an annoying sing song voice trying to reach for my notebook.

“Yeah, and who came up with that? The same retard who came up with that sticks and stones balderdash?” I snapped pulling .it out of her reach. Rosetta looked down at the ground.

“There’s really no reason to be so rude”

“Bite me” I spat and this time Rosetta shut her mouth and kept it that way. Better. I’ve known Rosetta since I came to this wretched place. She’s an annoying little southern bell who annoys me immensely but I stick with her because she kinda’ intrigues me. She doesn’t look the part but Rosetta’s real smart, not just book smart but real smart. She’s kinda’ like a philosopher, she questions everything, and I mean everything, and she can solve any problem; with science. I guess she’s a real Disney-esque type of girl, pretty and shallow looking on the outside but smart on the inside. I wonder why she hangs out with me. She had once said that it was because ‘I understood her intellectual side’ but I think that’s a load of crap. She probably just hangs out with me because she has some sort of gross crush on my cousins Brandon and Luke. I live with my Aunt Delilah and my Uncle James and their three sons. Ezekiel is probably the least corrupted of all of them, at fourteen years old he’s the most mature out of all of them, and that says something considering the fact that he spends most of his time making stupid sexual jokes. Brandon and Luke on the other hand…well aren’t really that much different. They’re just more stupid, and annoying, and their sexual jokes are a bit more, erm, descriptive. Brandon’s nineteen and Luke’s seventeen and they’re like inseparable. So considerably so that Brandon stayed home instead of going to live on campus, he even listened to his mama and ended up going to college in Georgia instead of Boston. Now I can’t blame Rosetta for thinking that they’re cute, they are quite attractive. Now I know what you’re thinking, ‘Eww, you think your cousin is cute!’ but I’ll have you know that I didn’t see them much as a kid. I saw them like once and that was for Christmas, when I was five. I remember that Luke and I hit it off that Christmas, I was wooed by his bug eating skills and he by my scissor skills. For about two years after I left we kept in touch, drove our parents crazy by making them call every three hours (eventually my folks had him on speed dial) and then it all kind of abruptly ended.

“Secrets?” Rosetta said waving a hand in front of my face.

“What?” I snapped.

“You kinda faded away for a bit there.” She replied braiding her hair. I pulled my knees up a little closer to me and shifted my notebook. This was my fifth composition notebook this month; I kinda went through them pretty quickly. Aunt Delilah has to get boxes of them shipped in from this company that makes school supplies because I write so much. Now I’d tell you what I wrote, but then I’d have to kill you and that’s so much work. The disposing of the body and the cover up that is. The actual murder’s quite simple. Just me and my scissors, my collection of scissors that is, I’ve grown quite….fond of them, Rosetta finds it weird, I don’t; some people collect stamps, I collect scissors. Guess my scissors connect to…precious memories. My notebooks are pretty sacred, my uncle bought me a safe to keep them in (He actually had to buy me multiple considering I had so many notebooks), I once snapped a kids finger backwards for touching it. That resonating “crrr-crack” was music to my ears.

“Secrets you okay? You’re jaw’s clenched tighter than Rose and Jack’s grip on the boat railing.” I unclenched my jaw and looked at her; I realized I was staring at absolutely nothing. We were sitting on the ground in this little nook in the gym behind the bleaches killing time. I bolted here right when that bell rang; this was my ‘hiding from the world’ spot, the sound of squeaking sneakers calmed me, I have no clue in the world how Rosetta spot me. I’ve been hiding here since I moved here four years ago and nobody else has ever discovered me. I have many hiding spots, I’ve always had a reason to hide, and hiding’s something I’m real good at. Ain’t nothing better than cuddling up in to dark closet of my ‘room’ with a flashlight, my notebook and music blaring from my headphones, that right there, that’s paradise.

“You coming over today?” I queried still staring into space.

“Yeah so who’s picking us up?” She asked.

“Brandon’s at work so um…shoot!” I exclaimed.

“What?”

“We was supposed to catch a ride with Luke after practice.” I looked down at my phone. “We have five minutes before he gets in that car and leaves us here. Rosetta’s eyes widened and she grabbed her purse off the ground and followed me.

 

“Hey Rosie are ya’ sleeping over?” Ezekiel asked leaning against the doorframe and Rosetta nodded. “Alright, if you get bored, you know where my room is.” He winked; Rosetta gaged and looked back down at her laptop.

“Ezekiel Sawyer you leave that girl alone now you hear?” Aunt Delilah yelled from the kitchen.

“Yes’m!” he replied running off, but not without sending another wink in Rosetta’s direction. I looked over at Rosetta, she was wearing these bright red Ray-Bans that brought out her green eyes perfectly, they were brighter than her hair but her hair was still fairly red. She was so pretty, she had delicate features and huge round eyes. She was most definitely one of the prettiest girls I know, so I wonder, why the hell is she going after Luke? I looked a mess compared to her. She wore chic scarves and blouses and I dressed up like a Tumblr addict, hipster maybe; in all fairness, I am one. My brown eyed, black and blue haired, jean and t-shirt wearing self-had nothing on her perfect sized, busty beauty. She snapped her head up as if she felt me staring at her.

“Secrets, why are you staring at me like a lesbian?” I cracked a tiny smile. “Look at that, a smile, that’s a real smile.” She grinned at me “Do you know how cute you look when you smile Secrets? You know if you ignore all the scars…and bruises. All you ever do is frown, and look all angry, and clench you jaw and, and-and stare off into space and when you do smile it’s this creepy, secret, axe-murderer looking smile. And with those scary, closed off faces you’re always making you draw attention to the scars and bruises. You always have that hood up looking like an ex-convict, like you’re tryna hide something, which only intensifies the rumors.” Her stare intensified and she pushed her glassed closer to her face, “Secrets, why you got so many secrets for? What did they do to you to crush your soul so much? I can see it; I can see that look in your eyes. That look…like the will to live on has completely left you, like you’re struggling to find the will to go on every waking moment.” She leaned forward a bit as if ready to listen “My question is, why?” I looked at Rosetta, I really looked at her, looked at her mighty hard. Then I got up and slapped her, real forcefully across her face. Her hands flew up and she cradled her face, she looked up at me hard, her green eyes filled with anger.

“Don’t. Ever. Ask. Me. That. Again.” I said through clenched teeth. She removed her hand from her face and there was a crimson mark across her cheek, it looked out of place on her olive skin. She stared at me. I felt perturbed under her white hot glare; I looked down at my notebook.

“Why? You must at least tell me why you refuse to tell me about your past. You owe me that.” The anger rose up inside me; I could feel my skin basically light on fire, it was taking every fiber in my being not to pull Betsy, my favorite pair of scissors, out of my pocket right now. I snapped my head up and met her eyes.

“Why? You ask me why!” I exclaimed. “The things that I’ve done… my past is so dark, so wicked, so ungodly that if I simply told you about it, you’d have to get your ears flushed out with holy water! I am despicable, scum, dangerous, the things that I’ve done would cause you to run and hide and wish that you’d never met me. If I told you, you would become petrified of me, my presence would cause you to quake in your boots and piss your pants of fear. Darling, I am the spawn of the devil, the boogie monster in the flesh! That’s why I refuse to tell you. You didn’t think those scissors were for scrap booking now did you?” I finished. Rosetta’s mouth open and closed like a fish, her eyes were intumescing out of her skull. A sly-secret smile crossed my face and I cocked my head to the side, “Now what was the math homework?”

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