The Endless Wait

I’m okay I’m fine
I’m going to sleep
and I’ll wake up
tomorrow with
hope in my fast
beating heart
and I’ll flip my phone
over and click it on
and I’ll have dozens of
notifications.
But none of them will be
from you.
So none of them will
matter.
But I’ll still rush
to unlock my phone
and double check
to make sure
because what if
what if…
what if nothing.
There’s nothing there.
Nothing.
And I’ll spend the
whole day
double
triple
quintuple checking.
I’ll spend the whole day
“What if-ing”
And there will be
nothing there.
Nothing.
And I’ll go to sleep
with craters in my chest
and blood pouring out
of my barely beating heart.
I have to go to sleep
because I don’t think
when I sleep.
I’m not “what if-ing”
When I sleep.
And tomorrow I’ll wake up
and do the whole thing
over again.
But still there will be
nothing there.
Nothing.

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