I Gave My Grandma a Break Today

My heart breaks for my grandmother she is old she is ill Her memory is fading Along with what seems to be the scraps left of her sanity. Walking is difficult eating is difficult living is difficult. Though she spires me with bitter words full of rancor I must forgive her for she knows not what she says. My heart breaks for my grandmother because I am short with her. My temper is hot. But she knows not what she says. She knows not what she says. How awful it must be to watch the line between reality and fantasy … Continue reading I Gave My Grandma a Break Today

I Don’t Like Summer

I never liked summer Because summer means Free time Alone time free time means Sitting Waiting For the reply that will Never come because you actually have a life whereas mine revolves around waiting for you Sitting Waiting For you to care like I do But you never will. Summers make me The ultimate dumpee Because I will always be Here when you return Sitting Waiting Continue reading I Don’t Like Summer

Fat.

I never thought of myself as ‘fat’. Then in fourth grade the teacher sent home letters. And at the bottom of this letter there were the words ‘your child’s weight’ with three numbers in bold and below that was ‘average weight of a child this age’ with two numbers next to it. 116. Those three numbers haunted me for the rest of the year. And as I grew older, the numbers grew larger. And my self esteem dropped lower. The last three numbers I remember seeing were 182. That was two years ago. I know that that number is much … Continue reading Fat.

Unfortunately I Wrote a Crappy Poem

I’d really like to write a poem about you… One of those ‘bleeding heart’ poems One of those ‘make you feel something’ poems Unfortunately I’m struggling to put how you make me feel into words   If I were to write a poem about you… It’d have to be a hurtful poem One of those ‘ouch’ poems One of those ‘I’ve got a dagger protruding from my chest’ poems Unfortunately I am not heartless enough to put someone through so much hurt   I kind of need to write a poem about you… One of those ‘burn the world down’ poems … Continue reading Unfortunately I Wrote a Crappy Poem

Ode to My Aching heart

I’d like nothing more than to shout from the mountain tops how utterly upset and heart broken I am. But I cannot. Because what if he hears my shouts? How crushed will I feel when I realize that he not only doesn’t care how utterly upset and heartbroken I am, he couldn’t be any better? What will I say to those who ask me what’s wrong? There is nothing I can say that will make any sense. Nothing makes sense. Because I have no right to be upset… right? He wasn’t mine. It was all so temporary. But here’s what … Continue reading Ode to My Aching heart

I Forgot

I forgot what it felt like to be liked. I forgot how it felt to wake up and think ‘he just might be thinking about me right now’ and praying he’d see me in the halls and say hi. I forgot how it felt to rush home and whip my laptop open to see if he’s attempted to contact me. I forgot about that light, bubbly feeling I got anytime he said something sweet. And it seems that in the brief period of time that  I had spent relieving these feelings I also forgot how it felt to not feel that way. … Continue reading I Forgot

My First Muse -2

And he looked at me with those big, pools of chocolate in his cranium,  as I looked into his eyes I found myself falling into those pools of chocolate. And I knew that falling into those pools would be the worst thing I’ve ever done in my life. I knew that once I fell, I’d be under his spell. But I let myself fall. And I just fell and fell and fell. But I didn’t cry, I didn’t scream. Because the sweet pain of falling was so much better than it seemed. Continue reading My First Muse -2