Don’t Help Me

I’ve been tripping

and stumbling

doing my best not

to fall to my death

but then you came

and changed my blue

skies to gray

but then you came

and knocked out my

breath

now I’m crumbling

and crying

but rock bottom’s

never felt this good

how you managed to

pick me up and knock

me down again

I never understood

so I’ll stay down here

so you can’t knock

me back down

I’ll stay down here

where you can’t push

me around

but if you were to

reach out your hand

and pull me back up

just to shove me back down

I’d take it

you know I’d take it

I wouldn’t want anything more

because I like the feel

of the floor

 

Growing Up

When you’re a kid
it’s easy to be an artist
Blank pages
were always drawings waiting to happen.
and you were so excited to show
mommy and daddy what you’ve made.
When you’re a kid
it’s easy to be Pablo Picasso
When you grow up
the paper begins to morph
into a platform for judgement.
You cannot help but compare
your work to the work of others.
When you grow up
you stop drawing
because why waste paper
when someone else can make
something better?
When you grow up
the mirror is a
platform for judgement
as is the camera,
and the sketch pad.
When you fall in love
his eyes become a
platform for judgement.
So you cover your mouth when
you smile.
You cover your face
when he tries to take a picture.
Because why take pictures of me
when she is much prettier?
He tells you he loves you.
He’s lying.
Why would he love you
when she’s so much better?

Code

‘Hello’
‘Goodbye’
‘Goodnight’
‘Alright’
They’re all undertones
Can’t you see?
Can’t you read?
What I don’t say,
that’s what’s killing me.
Because ‘no’ means yes
And ‘I guess’ means don’t go.
But I guess you can’t comprehend
my cryptic code.
I’m screaming but you can’t hear
It’s all whispers to you my dear.
My floods are tears
and your minutes are my years.
You can’t see
how a few simple words
strung together
so beautifully
haphazardly
could mend me,
could cut me so deeply.
Because a sentence from you
could make my day
and unravel it too.
I like you!
I want you!
I’m thinking so loud.
I wish I could tell you
what I’m thinking right now.
But my thumbs can’t type
what it could break my heart to say
What if you don’t feel the same?
I hide behind
my ‘hi’s and ‘bye’s
because it’s safer for my heart
to tell you lies.

Grandma Tumblr

Come here children
sit around Grandma Tumblr’s
chair and listen to stories
of before
once upon a time
when I was young
living in the age of
social media
teenagers were careful
we did what we could
to dance around words
that could be potentially hurtful
eyes sunken in from late
nights staring at screens
so sheltered behind our
electronics
our shoulders began to
curve inwards
as if we were devolving
our heads were heavy from
hunching over to
text
to scroll
to swipe.
we had flowers back then
but we never stopped to smell them
instead we double tapped
pictures of them
added to our accounts
to make them just a bit more aesthetic.
I remember flowers…
we had trees.
They were our friends.
So we stabbed them in the back
deforestation
to make room
for buildings
buildings that we would hide in
hunched over.
likes
thumbs up
reblogs.
#SavetheWorld
but we never actually
DID anything.
social media generation
with our smart cars
and solar panels
we still left the faucet running
a little too long
left the lights on all night
drove because it was easier
than taking the bus
We didn’t have to try 
to destroy the Earth.
We didn’t even realize
we were bulldozers
moving slowly
silent but deadly
leaving destruction in our path.
Now grandma Tumblr is old
lungs filled with pollution
you’d think after years and years
of #SavetheEarth
we’d learn
but here we are.

Invisible Bandit

Carbon monoxide
Carbon monoxide
Sneaking past your door
you can’t see him
you can’t see him
he’s coming back for more
colorless
tasteless
odorless gas
it’s coming it’s coming
it’s coming fast
the hole in the ozone grows
but we don’t care
oh no we don’t care
we rev up our engines
and hang on for the ride
we burn coal
we burn oil
we kiss our Earth goodbye
corral reefs are disappearing
in the Philippines
but that’s their problem
not ours
greenhouse
greenhouse
pollution
destruction
Chinese smog
but that’s their problem
not ours
but would you turn around and say
this is their world
not ours
reverse
reverse
reduce
reduce
reduce
we can at least
try to not pollute.
Carbon monoxide
Carbon dioxide
Chemicals
Gasses
Toxic waste
sneaking under your door
they’re coming
they’re coming

Castle

We were surviving
together
and now we’re barely breathing
and if the walls of this damn house
could talk
good Lord they would be screaming
because the walls are like me
silently watching
silently listening
silently taking the blows
and accusations
silently filling up this castle of
destruction
but one way
the walls are not like me
is that they are not constantly
thinking
constantly self-blaming and
self-deprecating
because yes the walls have
stood through years and years
of corruption
but I have stood and slowly watched
the deduction of my sanity
and if the walls of this damn house could talk
they would be screaming
but if the imaginary tape
was ripped from my face
I’d still stand quietly
as the verbal blows
slowly deteriorate me

Return to Normalcy

I used to be poet
Then I got rid of my muse
My frown turned upside
Down
No longer singing the blues
But now my hands ache for
A pen and my fingers itch
Longing to type
I knew this wouldn’t last
I knew this happiness would pass
And now my poetry
Is tinged with the same
Hopeless longing
Lack of sense of belonging
That I’m used to.
Heartbreaks back baby
You miss me?
The darkness has found a leak
And now the sadness can seep
Back into my soul
Fragmenting my being
With its acid nature
Until I am nothing more
Nothing at all more
Than the hollow shell
I was
Before
You.

Trench Coat

On cold nights
I would pull you
in by your
trench coat.
You always wore
a trench coat.
And you’d wrap
your long arms
Around me.
I didn’t know
Darling, I didn’t know
that our last kiss
would be our last.
I didn’t know
baby, I didn’t know
how safe I felt
In your arms.
I didn’t know
honey, I didn’t know
how warm you made
Me feel.
Until I was left
frightened, and cold.
I miss your
trench coat.
You always wore
a trench coat.

I Don’t Know Why

I don’t know
I don’t miss you
But goodness
I wanna cry
I wanna scream
It’s not about you
It’s not about me
It’s not about
anything anymore
It’s about how everything
Is so much
so much
too much
I think too much
I can’t cry
The tears won’t come out
I’ve dried up
I don’t miss you
I want to cry
I just don’t know why

Value

don’t tell me
that you like me
if you don’t mean it
my feelings
are not a chess match
you cannot play me
until you win
I will not be your
consolation prize
when you can’t have
the girl whom you
deem as
actually valuable
I am valuable.
So if you only want my body
tell me that you
only want my body
but don’t lie
and say you like me
just so you can have me
I am not a piece of
property